Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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