It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
