Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
