Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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