While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
