You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
