i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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