You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
