apparently the secret to your success is patron
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
