Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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