Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
