How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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