What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
