hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
