Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
