problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
