wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
