That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
