Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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