My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
