so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
