Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize