How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
