So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
