I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
