You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
