just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
