That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
