enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
