He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
