my phone needs a breathalizer
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
