Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
