dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we should paint friendship bongs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize