Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize