super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
