I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
