Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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