i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
