His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
