i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
