Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
