Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
