FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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