I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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