u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
