Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I pour the whiskey from now on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
