I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
