My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
