If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
