The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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