taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
