Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this will be a night to untag.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
