tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
