you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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