Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize