So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
