I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
