And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
