i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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