My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
