We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
