I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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