i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
