Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
