YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
