Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize