so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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