imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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