i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
