You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
