This house was built for laser tag.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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