I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
