At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
where am i from again
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
