Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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