just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My vagina just clenched in fear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
