Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
