Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
