y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
