just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Rumble strips road head = magical
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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