That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
