You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
