Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
